Roadkill Obituaries

Sammy “The Snitch” Squirrel – Gone, But Not Forgotten

On August 3, just past Gregory Park on Gregory Street, it was another warm summer morning in Hudson County. For Sammy “The Snitch” Squirrel, the day started its typical way but nobody knew it would be his last. A widowed husband and devoted father, Sammy will never stray far from hearts of the rest of us squirrels.

After a long day at the office comprised of garbage cans and tree limbs, Sammy only had to cross Gregory Street to get back home in time for dinner. Unfortunately, while crossing, Sammy got distracted by Noodles, the local Russian mobster cat, who was playing roulette on the basketball court. This distraction led Sammy right into the front left tire of a Honda Civic, only to get pushed around by the cars undercarriage and then finished off by the back right tire.

The family has made private funeral arrangements and welcomes your thoughts, prayers, and leftover nuts.

With warmest condolences,

Savage Habbit